(Grumbling)...stupid cell phone ads

75% of the things I want are in this picture, and it's from a damn AT&T advertisement. You suck, AT&T. I see through your lies!

To quote the song "At least a plausable case for pessimism"

Blue Eyes once told me that she felt as though she were walking on a fence. I understood what she felt then, and I've never felt it more than I do now. 4 major things going on in my life all at the same time, and all play a vital role in my future. More is expected of me now than ever before and if I fall, I fall hard. It's all going well, but there are many eyes on me, some looking for a misstep. All day, every day now my time is consumed by these tasks.

My mind betrays me, however. The last thing I think about, the one thing I shouldn't think about, is the one thing I can't forget. That feeling. That feeling of admiration and caring both received and given simultaneously that instills in you a desire to be more, to face every challenge with no looking back and no regret. When that feeling is gone, how can one not look back? Only once have I felt even an inkling of that emotion, and it was even shorter in duration than the time it was discovered. I've tried explaining it to a few who are close, but most don't understand. I keep meaning to write a review of the book Nadja, a book that someone very coincidentally suggested I read. I just haven't had the time to finish it. The author, Andre Breton, understood this feeling. The book was written in the twenties, but the feeling is the same. What can happen in the blink of an eye can change the way you see the world. This is true for more than romance, but of course, for us romantics at least, it deals the most devastating blow.

So, to quote my friend Matt Fox from Shai Hulud, "heart and mind at odds again. Always and forever." My future depends on how I proceed through these upcoming events and how I manage in these tasks. I must divert my thoughts to the future, not the past. For now. It's time to give up the ghost.

This is only the first week of my new world. Only 103 more to go.

Anyway, to end on a fun note, I am terribly excited to see AFI tomorrow!! I've known Davey Havok for about 18 years, but I haven't talked to him in 10, so I'm hoping to get the chance to catch up. Plus, the new record is absolutely fantastic.

Not bad for the weird autistic kid

I start my new internship this week in this beautiful historic Atlanta building. I'll be working for a small tax firm and greeted by beautifully carved marble lions everyday in the lobby. This on top of my regular full time job, school, and a leadership role in a student organization. Not bad if I may say so myself, but sweet baby Cthulhu do I have my work cut out for me. My friends know not to expect much of me this year. I'll try to post when I can. I'll also try to eat, sleep, and not have a mental breakdown.

Happy Boxing Day!

To my one reader in Canada, Happy Boxing Day! I can't even remember what the holiday is about. I asked my friend when I visited him in Vancouver, but I've since forgotten.

I'm surprised anyone can make any sense of my Shai Hulud-inspired, dramatically epic rhetoric about mundane topics. I see things from a much different perspective, or so my psychologist told me. Life should be lived epically, I think. The simple should be grandiose in a universe that seems to have a vendetta against life itself that rivals the hatred of any man. Praise the fact that I spent this week painting the last two rooms in my house, swearing and throwing things after being splashed with paint because I'm mechanically challenged. And I rejoice knowing that I will never paint another room again. By the time I need to, I will be making more than enough money to pay someone to do it for me. I really hate painting. Boxing Day!!!

Tomorrow People

I just started watching the latest revamp of the Tomorrow People. I hope they can do a better job than the time they tried in the 90's. The original wasn't great, it was definitely no Doctor Who, but it had a great theme song and a ton of potential. Big Finish is the only company that has realized this and delivered. I have no faith in the CW, but here's to wishing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xez4o1ujOPI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

You're asking the wrong person...

As I have mentioned before, when it comes to dating women around my own age I often find that they have had bad experiences in the past.  Sometimes they can't handle someone being truly kind to them because all they've known was abuse. I always wonder "why can't she just let something nice happen to her?"

Tonight, I just realized, I need to ask myself the same question. I'm so afraid that they're going to leave and not give me a chance that I can't calm down or relax. If there's any break in conversation, I immediately think it's because I'm going to be dumped or ignored. To compensate I end up over-explaining myself, which inevitably leads to me putting my foot in my mouth. By that time, I've essentially said or written out an entire and entirely unnecessary internal dialogue all within the time it would have taken the person to write back.

For good reason, they more than likely think I'm nuts, when it's really just that uncertainty , where relationships are concerned, don't sit well with me. I feel a need to make sure I'm communicating correctly and that my intentions are understood, but this need takes me too far. This has only happened a couple of times, but every time it has been with a woman I really liked.

So now I ask myself, as I ask you, nonexistent reader; why can't I just relax and let something good happen to me? I honestly don't know anymore. Eventually I'm going to run out of opportunities. Good night.

Just a thought...

Despite what your friends and parents would have you believe, the sea is not infinite. Nor are the fish in it. I'm not having a case of the poor-me's, nothing like that, I just don't like to delude myself. I remind myself of this always too late. It's important to enjoy the company you're with, without expectations. Expectations are the thoughts that ruin hearts. One should never lose hope, but one should never expect, either. There is an important distinction between the two. This post needs more explanation, but I'm tired. Enjoy the frosty night.