To quote the song "At least a plausable case for pessimism"

Blue Eyes once told me that she felt as though she were walking on a fence. I understood what she felt then, and I've never felt it more than I do now. 4 major things going on in my life all at the same time, and all play a vital role in my future. More is expected of me now than ever before and if I fall, I fall hard. It's all going well, but there are many eyes on me, some looking for a misstep. All day, every day now my time is consumed by these tasks.

My mind betrays me, however. The last thing I think about, the one thing I shouldn't think about, is the one thing I can't forget. That feeling. That feeling of admiration and caring both received and given simultaneously that instills in you a desire to be more, to face every challenge with no looking back and no regret. When that feeling is gone, how can one not look back? Only once have I felt even an inkling of that emotion, and it was even shorter in duration than the time it was discovered. I've tried explaining it to a few who are close, but most don't understand. I keep meaning to write a review of the book Nadja, a book that someone very coincidentally suggested I read. I just haven't had the time to finish it. The author, Andre Breton, understood this feeling. The book was written in the twenties, but the feeling is the same. What can happen in the blink of an eye can change the way you see the world. This is true for more than romance, but of course, for us romantics at least, it deals the most devastating blow.

So, to quote my friend Matt Fox from Shai Hulud, "heart and mind at odds again. Always and forever." My future depends on how I proceed through these upcoming events and how I manage in these tasks. I must divert my thoughts to the future, not the past. For now. It's time to give up the ghost.

This is only the first week of my new world. Only 103 more to go.

Anyway, to end on a fun note, I am terribly excited to see AFI tomorrow!! I've known Davey Havok for about 18 years, but I haven't talked to him in 10, so I'm hoping to get the chance to catch up. Plus, the new record is absolutely fantastic.