Happy Boxing Day!

To my one reader in Canada, Happy Boxing Day! I can't even remember what the holiday is about. I asked my friend when I visited him in Vancouver, but I've since forgotten.

I'm surprised anyone can make any sense of my Shai Hulud-inspired, dramatically epic rhetoric about mundane topics. I see things from a much different perspective, or so my psychologist told me. Life should be lived epically, I think. The simple should be grandiose in a universe that seems to have a vendetta against life itself that rivals the hatred of any man. Praise the fact that I spent this week painting the last two rooms in my house, swearing and throwing things after being splashed with paint because I'm mechanically challenged. And I rejoice knowing that I will never paint another room again. By the time I need to, I will be making more than enough money to pay someone to do it for me. I really hate painting. Boxing Day!!!

Tomorrow People

I just started watching the latest revamp of the Tomorrow People. I hope they can do a better job than the time they tried in the 90's. The original wasn't great, it was definitely no Doctor Who, but it had a great theme song and a ton of potential. Big Finish is the only company that has realized this and delivered. I have no faith in the CW, but here's to wishing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xez4o1ujOPI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

You're asking the wrong person...

As I have mentioned before, when it comes to dating women around my own age I often find that they have had bad experiences in the past.  Sometimes they can't handle someone being truly kind to them because all they've known was abuse. I always wonder "why can't she just let something nice happen to her?"

Tonight, I just realized, I need to ask myself the same question. I'm so afraid that they're going to leave and not give me a chance that I can't calm down or relax. If there's any break in conversation, I immediately think it's because I'm going to be dumped or ignored. To compensate I end up over-explaining myself, which inevitably leads to me putting my foot in my mouth. By that time, I've essentially said or written out an entire and entirely unnecessary internal dialogue all within the time it would have taken the person to write back.

For good reason, they more than likely think I'm nuts, when it's really just that uncertainty , where relationships are concerned, don't sit well with me. I feel a need to make sure I'm communicating correctly and that my intentions are understood, but this need takes me too far. This has only happened a couple of times, but every time it has been with a woman I really liked.

So now I ask myself, as I ask you, nonexistent reader; why can't I just relax and let something good happen to me? I honestly don't know anymore. Eventually I'm going to run out of opportunities. Good night.

Just a thought...

Despite what your friends and parents would have you believe, the sea is not infinite. Nor are the fish in it. I'm not having a case of the poor-me's, nothing like that, I just don't like to delude myself. I remind myself of this always too late. It's important to enjoy the company you're with, without expectations. Expectations are the thoughts that ruin hearts. One should never lose hope, but one should never expect, either. There is an important distinction between the two. This post needs more explanation, but I'm tired. Enjoy the frosty night.

Just a last minute thought before bed

If you think life is boring, you're doing it wrong.

I'd post a picture of Falcor, but my eyelids are winning this battle. Goodnight, no one.

Deck the halls with whatever floats your boat.

People are very short-sighted. It's part of the human condition. We live relatively short lives and we have a hard time seeing the bigger picture. We get so bogged down with our own daily worries, pressures and habits that we tend to focus on those very small things.

That's why holidays are important. I don't care if you're religious or not. The idea is to take a breath, step back, and realize all of the things you are lucky to have in your short life. I don't particularly care for any of the holidays themselves, but I love the season overall. I love winter. I love the holiday lights. The lights symbolize warmth in the cold. To me, there's no better feeling than being warm when it's cold outside. Being cool in the summer just doesn't have the same effect. It reminds us to get close to those we care about and love. To huddle together and embrace. To forget our troubles and focus on what is really important: life.

I'm atrocious at buying gifts, but I know some of my friends love it, so I begrudgingly participate. It's not about making myself happy, it's about making others happy.

Valentine's Day is a perfect example. For those of those who know me, I'm usually bitter on Valentine's for obvious reasons. I don't hate the holiday, though. It's just the one day that I allow myself to envy others, if you will. I hear others complain that we shouldn't need a day to remind us that we love someone. While I do still think it's the one time a year that assholes get the chance at false chivalry, I still see the purpose. You can know every day that you love someone, but it's still nice to have a day where you purposefully set aside everything and focus on the person you love. I still resent all of you who have said person their lives, don't get me wrong, but it's out of pure, unabashed jealousy.

So, in general, enjoy the holidays, dammit. Have fun with your friends, family, and loved ones. Be glad you have them.

(This is my holiday Energy Sword. It's for burglars, not Santa.)

P.S.- I'm currently listening to Andy Williams' Xmas album. It's fabulous. 

And yet another great Gentlemen's summary

Here's another good article. It seems we have a movement arising. Hopefully it's no fad.

http://jamesmsama.wordpress.com/2013/11/06/10-ways-to-know-youre-dating-a-real-man/

I couldn't have said it better myself

http://fiercegentleman.com/10-qualities/

The above article explains everything I strive for quite well. Long before I read this, these have been the ideals that I strive for. They can be difficult, but that's the point, isn't it? It does, as the article clearly states, cause confusion and derision amongst males and females alike. 

There is a point to this behavior, though. I just found the article and it rings true. It has been something I've worked on for years. Although it has gained me prestige from my peers, I find it is surprisingly most difficult when applied to romance. I believe this to be a sign of how far our actions and outlooks have fallen as men.

I have noticed that when I am around female friends, males who approach them will attempt to match my demeanor and act as gentlemen. Sadly, however, once I am separated from them I'm quite appalled by their behavior conducted behind my back. This is why the fierce gentleman has trouble gaining the trust of a woman. Who can blame them when all they have known are snakes? 

It is important to remain vigilant, I think. The message is one of importance. It is possible to respect, admire, and be attracted to someone and bear no ill intent. I try to teach. Maybe someday some will learn.

I need a couch in my office

So I just started dating again. Took a few month's hiatus because there were more important things to do and I didn't want the distraction. I decided also to stop dating people online. People can look great on paper, but then you meet and there's no connection. I'm sick of that. Now that I'm more confident I made the choice to only try to date people I meet in person. That way you get the opposite; you can see if you have initial chemistry and then see if you're actually compatible. If you have great chemistry, you'll be more willing to compromise, if you need to at all.

This led to a fantastic date earlier this week. Gorgeous, kind, smart, and a smart ass. All very important traits. It's nice, I have to admit, to feel nervous about someone again. Even when I was dating more regularly I rarely felt that way, but since I already knew I was attracted to her it made the date that much better. Now, however, is the period that seems to last forever: the anticipation of a second date. Waiting for a response, I wish I could just fall asleep and wake to a confirmation. Instead, I'm stuck at work with nothing else to think about.

There are plenty of things I should be thinking about, yet there is only the one. This is a good thing, I think. Even if nothing comes of it, it is good to be reminded that these feelings can exist.

Rookie mistakes

Just lost about 30 minutes worth of work on my script by not saving. This wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that it's a section I really don't want to revisit. Maybe I'm punishing myself subconsciously, because a part of me thinks I can't get over this until it's written and completed. That same part of me isn't ready to be over this. The logical part of my brain needs to take boxing classes to put that side in its place.

I get excited.

I've abandoned you, blog, and I apologize. On top of that, it was on a sad note. Doubly sorry. Too much going on. I started writing a musical! Isn't that exciting?! And I will use that to cleverly segue into the topic at hand. Excitement.

I get too excited about things, and I have trouble hiding it. I'm not a subtle man. Everything from projects to movies to women. And when I get too excited it lowers my patience, and that's where the problem comes in. If I start a project, I want to finish it right then. And, to bring this to a relevant topic, when I fancy a woman, I want to know everything about her. I'm a romantic, so I want to spend time with her. The sad thing is, it can be taken the wrong way. I don't know how, but it must. I try very hard not to be overbearing, and am usually up front that they can tell me at any time if I am being so. I think I do a decent job of being patient, because logically I know that getting to know someone takes time. Especially when they have kids. I don't plan on being brought into the "group" right away, but it's very difficult when I've tried so many times to try and create something with someone only to have it fail. Not even because of a lack of compatibility. Quite the contrary. They fail because I'm never given the chance to show that I am the person I say I am; loyal, caring, and extremely understanding. Women in my age range have trouble believing that, because they've been hurt by men who lied about who they were.

I am constantly fighting the shadows of terrible men. But how can I fight when I'm not even given the chance to put on the gloves? See what I did there? I'm terrible at making sports analogies. Anyway, I'm writing this because I'm afraid that once again I won't be given the chance, which makes it even harder to be patient. But patient I must remain. My job doesn't help, either. Lots of busy work, but my mind is always wandering to places it shouldn't. Hopefully it's all in my head since I'm quite tired. Only tomorrow will tell.  I just don't want to screw this up. There could be plenty of reasons that it wouldn't work out, just please don't let it end before it begins.

So I meant to write something funny but ended on another sad note. I'll find a good "Yo mama" joke tomorrow or something. Goodnight!

As promised... yo momma

Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

There ya go. See? I promise, I deliver. I keep my word.

I shall not tell a lie.

Do not ever believe me if I say I'm not an idiot. Don't believe anyone who says they aren't, but me especially. Your life will be much easier with this simple rule.

Failure is not an option with these two.

As I said last night, I intend to be a strong force in changing the ideology and practice of humanity. This is a tall order, and it's determination, disgust, and diligence that drives me to break the detriment. But I'm not alone. I have my wrecking crew to back me up. Murphy's Law and Mimsey Mayhem. They don't play around (unless there's string involved).

A world that isn't mine I shall claim.

I think I've finally figured out how to articulate my feelings about my very nature with relation to my environment. I am the man I want to be living in a world I don't care for. Lots of people say, about me and themselves, that they were born in the wrong time. I wasn't. The type of man I am has never held a place in society, though there may have been a few of us popping up here and there. The ideal is there, but it is folly to believe that many took these ideals to heart. For instance, our movement, the hardcore movement, was the directed evolution of the punk rock movement, which was more of a general rebellion with no real direction. We roasted about change, but it led many to elitism and conceit. They did not truly believe in change, only in their chance to stand on a pedestal. I decided to be something different. I pulled the best attributes I saw in various places and discarded the contradictions. Though my passions may lie in certain aspects of the 60's, post modernism and the like, I don't belong there. I can pick aspects of any time period that I like, but there are far more that I disagree with. Our current time is no exception. My views are classic, modern, and futuristic. I believe them to be universal, within our tiny section of this vast universe.

I am a gentleman amongst the myriad of the wicked and self-righteous, fiercely loyal amidst the betrayers. Self-centered at times I admit, but never arrogant, and only punishing inwardly. I see over and over the terrible things that men do, and for the longest time it angered me because it gives the rest of us a bad reputation and cause for mistrust, until I realized that I am not one of them. I am not merely the minority, I am something different altogether. And I do not belong. However, this train of thought is useless and useful at the same time. The plan doesn't change. I can continue to beat man at his own game, and I will rise above those who accept deceit and detriment. I will climb the ranks and strive to influence for the side of compassion, exposing those who seek to destroy. The parade may have ended, but that does not mean we may not march with our heads high. I will not disregard this world. Some of us said we wanted to make a difference. Most have fallen, but a few remain. I fight for all, but mainly for one. Whether I know who she is matters not. I would tear down the house before the tree. I realize that this reference makes no sense if you haven't watched Parade's End. So watch it. You'll thank me.

 

"Believe me love, it was the nightingale."

Happy Birthday, Blue Eyes. No, I'm not talking about Frankie. I wish I was. I'm talking about her. The one that I can't let go. The one that doesn't make any sense to me, yet makes perfect sense.  Admittedly I've probably romanticized this to the point of disillusionment, but oh well. We all have to hold on to something. I wish I had the chance to show you how great life could be with someone by your side. I also wish that I could forget you. Honestly I do. Maybe it's because you never made me that dessert you promised me. This isn't fun by any means. I don't see how I can feel any other way, but I would love to feel any other way. Happy Birthday nonetheless, beautiful.

If I get too excited I'll ruin it.

I've come up with possibly the best idea ever. I've already set things in motion, but I can't get too excited. Not just yet. More information in a month or so. Gotta get a game plan down first.

White people problems: My current intense hatred of Valentine's Day

Now, upfront, this hatred is completely born out of jealousy and frustration. I know that, but emotions trump logic on this of all days. I'm throwing myself a pity party, deal with it. I'll be fine tomorrow. I didn't think it was going to bother me, but I woke up this morning and it hit me hard. I started thinking about all of the time, effort, and frankly money that I spent last year trying to find and build a relationship, and how poorly I was treated in return on two occasions.

And it brings home the point that I've been trying to make which is that people are full of shit when it comes to romance. For one day of the year, men act like they appreciate the women they're with. And the women act as if they appreciate the gestures. Either that, or they really do appreciate it because it doesn't happen any other time of the year. Whereas I, a hopeless romantic, get treated with mistrust or COMPLETE unappreciation. Or flat-out ignored. Utter bullshit.

All I have to say is, thank Cthulhu for friends and I need a drink.

This is why you should love Louis C.K.

He's great at pointing out things that make you feel like an asshole.

What do I want? Inspirado. When do I want it? Uhhmm...now?

Aside from me being a smartass, this blog has had a major focus on dating when you're socially awkward. As I've said, this is partly for my own benefit, analyzing my own reactions and trying to learn more about myself, but also in hopes of helping other adults and teens with Asperger's who may have similar troubles.
Now, however, I'd like to take a second to be selfish and talk about what I want.

There aren't very many specific traits I'm looking for in a woman. It's really about the individual as a whole. I want someone who is kind, caring and with a similar sense of humor, but that's standard. Most people want that, or at least that's what they say. What I'm looking for is more abstract. I want someone that inspires me and someone that I can inspire. Someone who deserves every little thing I do for them but doesn't expect it. Someone who makes me want to get up as quickly as possible when my alarm goes off because I don't want to wake them up so they can sleep for a couple hours more.

I'm already an ambitious person, but there are some people whose mere presence makes you want to be even more. There's a lyric from my old friend's band, Shai Hulud, from the song "When One Bests Defeat"- "I climb to the crest, and strive to climb higher." I've experienced that feeling twice in the past year from women I've dated, and although neither worked out, I can settle for nothing less. I need someone with Inspirado.

A post of quotation marks and two lessons learned

So, a $178.00 fine for not seeing the "No turn on red" sign. Awesome. Thanks for the "lesson'" local government. But, on the bright side, the Vietnamese guy at work who pretends to not speak English is wearing a shirt that says "Caution!! Sober to Horny in 4 Beers", similar to the mug in the picture above. Thanks for the warning, Khang, I really appreciate it.

People are too sensitive

People need to stop taking themselves so seriously. For realz. I don't even know how to elaborate on that without writing a ten page rant about it, and I don't have the time. But for Cthulhu's sake, stop being a bunch of babies!

My dreams are better than yours

My dreams tend to be awesome. Very vivid, but sometimes stressful. Many times it's just a scenario that I've been playing over and over in my head, girls, career, etc.., or if I played video games then I would dream I was in the game. A friend of mine was jealous of this, but I had to explain to him how stressful it was to be fighting aliens and trying to save the planet in your sleep. I would get no rest on those nights. Last night, however, was a really weird dream that was quite thrilling and dramatic, and seemed to be completely random. Let me see if I can articulate it and do it justice.

Dream- I was with some friends in Alaska, although it looked more like Norway. We went for a swim in this mountain lake that went up into the clouds, and we were swimming with Narwhals and all manner of bad ass sea creatures, and then we came upon this ancient ruin on top of the mountain. Mind you, the lake was alongside the entire mountain and stretching upward. Remember, physics has no hold in dreamscapes.  So we check out this old Nordic-looking ruin, and just around the corner we see an ancient city. But not just a normal ancient city that you would expect. It was one of the ancient civilizations that you read about in sci-fi, with floating bullet trains, and half of the people wearing metallic clothing. The other half was like a small village that you would expect to see in Bavaria, same type of architecture and clothing. Very simple living. When my friends and I get there, we realized that we're lost, but we don't care, because now it's an adventure. We split up and two of us get on the train, while my other friend and I hang out in the town a bit. Somehow we get involved in some scientific experiment that they're working on, because I'm a scientist, apparently. But, during our research, a few thugs come by and start murdering people in the town. This causes a big scene, and our research is the reason for the killing. They are fanatics opposed to scientific progress. The terrorists see us and suddenly we're the next targets. We make a run for it. We start hiding in some of the old Bavarian homes, grab food from some of the locals, and head for the bullet trains. We have to get to our friends before the murderers do, because they found out about them and are after them as well. A blonde cop stops us.   I don't know why that was important, but for some reason her being blonde was significant. Never mind, I just figured out why. Long story, another time. She tells us that the trains aren't safe because they've rigged explosives. She takes us in her car, which despite the fact that it's Mitchell's car (MST3K fans will understand), it can move beyond the speed of light. During this faster than light speed chase, we shoot the enemy's car and they die, just as we arrive in the past to the second our friends get off of their train.

The dream ended with my friends and I hanging out some 50 years later in what appears to be a masonic lodge, reminiscing over photos of this event and I start crying, remembering it all as if it were yesterday, and missing the friend who died prior to this meeting. It was the friend who was with me throughout the entire event. He died of natural causes. We were all old now. It was coming for all of us. -End dream.

My alarm went off at 5:15am this morning and the first thought in my head was "holy shit...", still feeling the excitement and sadness from these events. That, my friends, was the coolest dream I've had in awhile. Be jealous.

It's official

Humans are the worst. Most of us really make NO sense whatsoever. Friends, count yourselves lucky for we are few, we that try to utilize the most important distinguishing attribute we have as a species: our evolved brains. Praise be to those who strive to adapt and learn openly, without fear. Those who approach new situations with hopeful intrigue, regardless of past wrongs. For those who feel content to remain in fear, who shudder at the mere notion that things can be better, and not least of all those who arrogantly dance in circles of ignorance, I have but one question: Are you kidding me?

So you think you've won, do you?

Well played, Time Management, well played. Your vast array of vintage blazers and pea coats online was a tempting ploy, and you had me for an hour or so, but I will no longer succumb to your treachery. I will finish my reading this very night! Then you shall feel my wrath as I sleep soundly in my comfortable king-sized bed, waking refreshed and ready to bring the battle to you, my old friend. I really want this coat, by the way. It would look so much better on me than the weird goth guy who's currently in possession of it.

No work tonight, it seems

Meet Murphy, my Maine Coon. He's not very happy with me because I haven't been home all day and because I can't control time and make it dinner time. For punishment, he's decided to park his 20lb. butt on my accounting book, which is conveniently on my lap. He doesn't look inclined to hear my protestations.

Exhausted, but...

I'll let a better man than me say goodnight, moon.

Between an idiot and an overly enthusiatic man

I don't know which was worse at the gym the other morning: the conspiracy theorist telling anyone dumb enough to listen that the Sandy Hook shooting never happened and it was a government scare tactic, or the really pumped up guy singing the song "Taking Care of Business" over and over and over again. Obviously, I do know which is worse in the long run (the former), but come on, overly cheerful at 6:30am guy, the song actually has more lyrics than "takin' care of business, everyday. Takin' care of business." Please learn the rest of the song. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but not your ambitious attempt at camaraderie. Most humans, even if awake, are still tired. Give us a chance to catch up.

Pressure is the name of the game

So, yeah. School, work, exercise, writing two blogs (I just started one on personal finance as well), refreshing my Mandarin, trying to refrain from being a hermit, eating healthy, writing an album, and trying to woo an intelligent, kind, capable, and let's not forget fantastically gorgeous woman. *Cracks knuckles* This is the kind of stress I live for. Time management, prepare for war.

The GSU Circus is in town

This semester I have a writing class on International Business. As far as the course goes, pretty straightforward. The only problem is my fellow classmates. It feels like the gang from the movie "Summer School." The first night alone we had one guy who's studying to be a lawyer, and already a bona fide jackass, get up and presume to lecture the class, completely disregarding the professor, a redneck woman who wouldn't shut up and wears her half-conceived notions on her sleeve, and another woman who's almost as loud that became friends with her. This is going to be a long semester. The commonly repeated phrase last night from myself and my new friend Z, the Croatian woman who sits next to me, was "Are you kidding me?" We were talking about globalization in general, and weighing the positive and negative aspects of it. The negative aspect we discussed  was a diminishing cultural identity. Everyone agreed that globalization is a positive force overall. The redneck blurted out multiple times "What's wrong with everyone being on the same page?" or "Why does everyone think it's a bad thing?" After a time I couldn't take anymore and turned around and explained to her that if she had listened, not one single group said it was a bad thing. She gave me a "how dare you" face, but shut up nonetheless.

What I wanted to scream at her was "You're white!! Of course you don't care about diminishing culture, because your culture (western culture) tends to be the dominating one! You probably want everyone to be just like you, a small-minded Christian who doesn't care that there are actual people with actual needs elsewhere in this giant world!" I guarantee she has never been to another country, unless it was on a cruise or some similar horse blinder fashion. But I didn't say those things, because the teacher urged us to be respectful of each other at the beginning of class. I just wish the three stooges understood what that meant.

Better late than never- my thoughts on the holidays

I meant to talk about this BEFORE the holidays, but my schedule got a little hectic so I'm just now getting to it. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a fan of the holidays themselves because I'm an atheist, but I do love everything that goes along with it. I love the lights, getting together with friends and family, etc. Part of the human condition is being self-centered, and especially so for those with autism. It's comes from the evolutionary desire for self-preservation. It's natural. But the message around this time of year is to get your head out of your ass and think of others. I hate buying gifts, and would prefer that no one buys me anything, but I know that some of my close friends really do enjoy the act of going out and finding things for people. It was a couple of years ago that I started thinking about them instead of being negative towards the religious based holidays themselves. I still only buy for those I feel I have to, but I realized that I gained more enjoyment from the season by being able to partake in these activities with friends. This Xmas and New Years was the best I've had in a long time, because I was able to relax and just enjoy everyone's company. So thank you to everyone I was able to see, and I'm sorry about those I wasn't able to.