You're asking the wrong person...

As I have mentioned before, when it comes to dating women around my own age I often find that they have had bad experiences in the past.  Sometimes they can't handle someone being truly kind to them because all they've known was abuse. I always wonder "why can't she just let something nice happen to her?"

Tonight, I just realized, I need to ask myself the same question. I'm so afraid that they're going to leave and not give me a chance that I can't calm down or relax. If there's any break in conversation, I immediately think it's because I'm going to be dumped or ignored. To compensate I end up over-explaining myself, which inevitably leads to me putting my foot in my mouth. By that time, I've essentially said or written out an entire and entirely unnecessary internal dialogue all within the time it would have taken the person to write back.

For good reason, they more than likely think I'm nuts, when it's really just that uncertainty , where relationships are concerned, don't sit well with me. I feel a need to make sure I'm communicating correctly and that my intentions are understood, but this need takes me too far. This has only happened a couple of times, but every time it has been with a woman I really liked.

So now I ask myself, as I ask you, nonexistent reader; why can't I just relax and let something good happen to me? I honestly don't know anymore. Eventually I'm going to run out of opportunities. Good night.

Just a thought...

Despite what your friends and parents would have you believe, the sea is not infinite. Nor are the fish in it. I'm not having a case of the poor-me's, nothing like that, I just don't like to delude myself. I remind myself of this always too late. It's important to enjoy the company you're with, without expectations. Expectations are the thoughts that ruin hearts. One should never lose hope, but one should never expect, either. There is an important distinction between the two. This post needs more explanation, but I'm tired. Enjoy the frosty night.

Just a last minute thought before bed

If you think life is boring, you're doing it wrong.

I'd post a picture of Falcor, but my eyelids are winning this battle. Goodnight, no one.

Deck the halls with whatever floats your boat.

People are very short-sighted. It's part of the human condition. We live relatively short lives and we have a hard time seeing the bigger picture. We get so bogged down with our own daily worries, pressures and habits that we tend to focus on those very small things.

That's why holidays are important. I don't care if you're religious or not. The idea is to take a breath, step back, and realize all of the things you are lucky to have in your short life. I don't particularly care for any of the holidays themselves, but I love the season overall. I love winter. I love the holiday lights. The lights symbolize warmth in the cold. To me, there's no better feeling than being warm when it's cold outside. Being cool in the summer just doesn't have the same effect. It reminds us to get close to those we care about and love. To huddle together and embrace. To forget our troubles and focus on what is really important: life.

I'm atrocious at buying gifts, but I know some of my friends love it, so I begrudgingly participate. It's not about making myself happy, it's about making others happy.

Valentine's Day is a perfect example. For those of those who know me, I'm usually bitter on Valentine's for obvious reasons. I don't hate the holiday, though. It's just the one day that I allow myself to envy others, if you will. I hear others complain that we shouldn't need a day to remind us that we love someone. While I do still think it's the one time a year that assholes get the chance at false chivalry, I still see the purpose. You can know every day that you love someone, but it's still nice to have a day where you purposefully set aside everything and focus on the person you love. I still resent all of you who have said person their lives, don't get me wrong, but it's out of pure, unabashed jealousy.

So, in general, enjoy the holidays, dammit. Have fun with your friends, family, and loved ones. Be glad you have them.

(This is my holiday Energy Sword. It's for burglars, not Santa.)

P.S.- I'm currently listening to Andy Williams' Xmas album. It's fabulous. 

And yet another great Gentlemen's summary

Here's another good article. It seems we have a movement arising. Hopefully it's no fad.

http://jamesmsama.wordpress.com/2013/11/06/10-ways-to-know-youre-dating-a-real-man/

I couldn't have said it better myself

http://fiercegentleman.com/10-qualities/

The above article explains everything I strive for quite well. Long before I read this, these have been the ideals that I strive for. They can be difficult, but that's the point, isn't it? It does, as the article clearly states, cause confusion and derision amongst males and females alike. 

There is a point to this behavior, though. I just found the article and it rings true. It has been something I've worked on for years. Although it has gained me prestige from my peers, I find it is surprisingly most difficult when applied to romance. I believe this to be a sign of how far our actions and outlooks have fallen as men.

I have noticed that when I am around female friends, males who approach them will attempt to match my demeanor and act as gentlemen. Sadly, however, once I am separated from them I'm quite appalled by their behavior conducted behind my back. This is why the fierce gentleman has trouble gaining the trust of a woman. Who can blame them when all they have known are snakes? 

It is important to remain vigilant, I think. The message is one of importance. It is possible to respect, admire, and be attracted to someone and bear no ill intent. I try to teach. Maybe someday some will learn.

I need a couch in my office

So I just started dating again. Took a few month's hiatus because there were more important things to do and I didn't want the distraction. I decided also to stop dating people online. People can look great on paper, but then you meet and there's no connection. I'm sick of that. Now that I'm more confident I made the choice to only try to date people I meet in person. That way you get the opposite; you can see if you have initial chemistry and then see if you're actually compatible. If you have great chemistry, you'll be more willing to compromise, if you need to at all.

This led to a fantastic date earlier this week. Gorgeous, kind, smart, and a smart ass. All very important traits. It's nice, I have to admit, to feel nervous about someone again. Even when I was dating more regularly I rarely felt that way, but since I already knew I was attracted to her it made the date that much better. Now, however, is the period that seems to last forever: the anticipation of a second date. Waiting for a response, I wish I could just fall asleep and wake to a confirmation. Instead, I'm stuck at work with nothing else to think about.

There are plenty of things I should be thinking about, yet there is only the one. This is a good thing, I think. Even if nothing comes of it, it is good to be reminded that these feelings can exist.