My weekly Sunday can't sleep session.

It's often that I can't sleep on Sundays. Anxiety kicks in and I get overwhelmed for the week to come. Logically I know there is no reason for this, but this has been happening for years, so I decided to write down what's going on in my head. I'm not worried about anything going on this week. On the contrary, this is shaping up to be a promising week. I actually have at least one promising date this week, and I have family and friends for the holidays. I need to focus on the positive, but what's on my mind is her. Not just any her, but her(see the journey through dating page). I've stated before that my two special interests were music and romance, but there can be a downside to special interests when there is conflict in one. In this case, this ideal that I have always fallen back on, the idea that I would find one of those perfect people for me, has gone awry and now it's been haunting me, because now that ideal person has a face. Before it was always a dark shape waiting to be colored in.

It subsided for a bit because I thought I had found someone else who filled that mold, but now that that's done it goes back to her. It's plagued me all weekend and I can't shake it, despite my full undrstanding of the futility of it. I also understand that one reason I go back to thinking about her is that she appreciated my efforts, even though she wasn't ready for them. One word would change my life. A simple yes. But I will never hear that word or that voice again, so I try in vain to combat one interest with another. I try putting on music to divert my attention, but none of it helps me sleep, especially considering how picky I am with music. The best Pandora station I've found so far to sleep to is the Further Seems Forever station, but even then I keep having to break my sleepiness to turn off some song that doesn't fit. This also means that I won't be able to get up early enough to go to the gym, which is another means of stress relief for me. I just want to sleep. Why can't this song be true for me? I play my part. I put my all into it. ln this case, love did let her get away. I will take Sara Bareilles, though. I could be perfectly content marrying her. "Working class boys dreaming of girls from far away points."-FSF, song-Snowbirds and Townies. Goodnight, hopefully